i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
