I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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