Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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