i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
