i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
