I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
