today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
