So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He better not be in your backpack
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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