it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
