I'm gonna have a badass scar
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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