What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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