I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I touched a dick in church today
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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