Christians are straight up FREAKS
Swine flu. Run for my life!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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