There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
