i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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