He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
