I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
wow bdsm is so cute
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
