she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
