So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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