I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
