the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
