I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We're too hungover to prance.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
