i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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