I cannot find my penis.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
high people should be assigned attendants
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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