Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
