When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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