Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
PANTIES FOUND
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