There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let's paint friendship bongs
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
