I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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