He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
