So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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