She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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