Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
