i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
