Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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