I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
