tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
