new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
