my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
