Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
