We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
