I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
