tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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