Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
