I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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