What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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