party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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