I smell stomach acid.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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