Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
