so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
