if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
