So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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