Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
